To be honest, I completely screwed up my artistic being, it's as if I traded over my artistic life for a business in hopes to make an income on my terms. Not that I regret a thing, starting my angel card reading business in itself is probably one of my greatest achievements in life. When I started it, I was really into it (still am I just don't want to do it full time) and my goals were very different. Heck, you can say I was a different person.
So much has happened in the last year that made me go back to the basics, I guess you can say. I stopped worrying so much about other people and what the hell they were doing, and started to focus on me solely. I feel like that is why I probably didn't get back into drawing like I wanted too. I was too afraid of failing, being compared too and just looking like a fool trying to be like everyone else. I've been through that for so long and it's emotionally draining, especially now since I know better.
I guess you can say I resurrected in a way that I couldn't of imagined without taking the journey that I chose. I'm mega spiritual (no shit being I got a business in it) so I'm always looking to improve myself and my life in a way that works for me. A lot of that improvement in the pass few years was in my outlook in life. Taking that semi-hiatus from drawing, I learned a lot, so getting started (for real this time) I can see where I'm self sabotaging myself, why I feel the way I do and how I can improve it.
I actually feel blessed to have gone down that road and be where I am now. I feel like for the first time ever I can be successful in my artistic pursuits in being myself. And that success isn't dependant upon popularity, frame or money. It's solely on how I feel inside and knowing that what I'm doing is the best possible way to be truly happy in my life.
I know inside that I want to find a quiet, clean and harmonious place to live while I draw and expand on that every single day. It actually brings me to tears when I think about it. Who knew after all the bullshit I went through, trying to find and fulfill my purpose in life, it was simply drawing in peace and quiet? Life, you're an elusive son of a bitch, but I'm truly happy you showed me the way and let me find out for myself what it is that I wanted and needed to do. It's better than thinking that I needed to be a graphic designer because I went to school for it when I hated the idea of working for anyone but myself. I might of sold my soul for a degree (figuratively speaking) but I'm going to live THIS life doing what I want to do without defending my reasons or saying sorry. Screw that...
So yeah, that was pretty much the "I'll explain more" thing from yesterday's posting. It's going to be one hell of a transition but I know I WILL be successful. :)
Till next time.